• Amber ANN

Good Sex vs. Bad Sex


I was inspired to write this post while watching It's Not You It's MeN on The Oprah Winfrey Network. The show is hosted by Grammy-award winning R&B singer Tyrese Gibson and Hip Hop Legend and author Rev Run. The show explores sex, love and relationships from contrasting view points - a happily married Rev Run's conservative, Christian-based yet non-judgmental perspective and Tyrese's perspective as a bachelor that is consistent with his sensual and romantic R&B lyrics.

I was surprised to learn that Tyrese and Rev Run have been good friends for over 7 years and that it was their friendship and conversations about sex, love and relationships as friends that led to the creation of the show. The first episode aired on Saturday, January 23, 2016 and the show is scheduled to continue to air on Saturdays at 9 PM EST and 8PM CST. I had the chance to watch a recording of the show with my Mom!

The premiere show was called Sex and Sensibility. During the show, topics including waiting until marriage to have sex, being a born again virgin and the sexual double standards that exist for men and women were discussed. During these discussions, the concept of Good Sex vs. Bad Sex came up. I really wanted to respond to Tyrese's positon that he did not want to marry bad sex, therefore he would need to have sex before committing to a partner so I decided to write this post!

I personally feel that there is no such thing as bad sex. Sex is partly a physical act just like yoga or pilates (currently my two favorite forms of exercise). And like yoga and pilates, the physical act of sex can be learned. I believe that this learning process can be facilitated by open communication between partners about what they like and what they are interested in and comfortable with exploring. Other options could include practicing and continuing to explore your partner's body, seeing a sex therapist, books, adult toys and adult films. Although these are all great options, I believe that communication is the most important part of every aspect of a relationship including sex. Strong, open and comfortable communication is based on a heathy bond between two partners that leads me to my next point.

Another part of sex is spiritual. Many believe that sex is a spiritual union between two people. I feel that if two people share a healthy bond and connection to each other developed through romantic experiences and intimate conversations, then the spiritual component of sex will naturally be very enjoyable. This bond will also allow for both partners to feel safe when communicating about their sexual wishes and desires.

Jordan Sparks, a guest on the Sex and Sensibility episode, also weighed in about the importance of sex. Check it out below:

What do y'all think about this? I would love to hear your perspectives about Good vs. Bad Sex. Comment below!

-Be well!

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